


Keep on Truckin'

by WinsomeEarl



Category: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
Genre: Colin Robinson mildly annoys some woodland creatures, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-27
Updated: 2020-05-27
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:07:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24399232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WinsomeEarl/pseuds/WinsomeEarl
Summary: Colin Robinson's first memory.
Comments: 8
Kudos: 30





	Keep on Truckin'

August, 1712

Colin's first memory is of darkness. He hears a sneeze from somewhere overhead, and then lands on his back with a thump.

"Dag-nabbit, not again." a nasal voice can be heard cursing over him.

Colin opens his eyes and sees the sky for the first time.

"Not again?" he asks, too preoccupied by the sight of the strange clouds to bother looking up. "Not again what?"

The voice huffs.

'Nevermind." it snaps, before continuing on as if to itself, "This is the second time I come out looking for lizards, and this happens."

'Lizards?' Colin parrots. He can feel the breeze on his face and grass beneath his back.

'Yeah, lizards! I skinned one the other day and left it for Ma to find. I didn't even want to do it, but knowing how upset it gets her, it was too good to pass up!"

Colin winces.

"That sounds ghastly."

Colin props himself up on two skinny elbows to get a better look at his new friend. What he sees first is his own reflection, cast back at him by a pair of bifocals- that of a young man with a ghastly pallor, brown hair sheared close to his head, grey eyes, lanky limbs and a matching pair of round glasses. He bears his teeth only to notice that they seem a bit too big for his mouth. Looking closer at his companion, he notices that his appearance is strikingly similar so his own. Identical, even. His twin.

"Huh," he remarks.

Colin, (being the second one), looks around for a moment and sniffs. There's nothing but flat plains and tall grass for miles.

"What, ah... what I mean is... what is this?" he asks.

"This is Egbertville." Colin, the first one, responds plainly.

Colin v.2 nods.

"Egbertville." he repeats.

Suddenly, the sound of a woman shrieking pierces the valley air.

"COLIN ROBINSON!" it sings out, "YOU GET BACK HERE THIS INSTANT, YOU NASTY THING!"

A light goes off in second Colin's head.

"Colin Robinson!" he beams, "That's me!"

He shuffles to his feet, prepared to follow in the direction of the voice, before Colin v.1 grabs his wrist and pulls him back down onto his knees. Looking into his eyes, Colin v.2 notices they have briefly taken on a shade of glowing blue.

"Not you!" Colin v.1 scolds and points to his chest, "I'm Colin Robinson; the original Colin Robinson!"

He glances away for a moment, his eyes grey once more, "Well, maybe not the original, but I'm the one who lives here. This is my turf. You'll need to find somewhere else to live."

Colin v.1 stands and brushes the dirt off of his knees.

"Maybe you'll run into one of the others in the woods. I saw one just the other day, poking at the eggs in a robin's nest until the mama bird came out and attacked him."

Colin v.2 scratches at his chin like this is a thrilling prospect.

"Well, I really do have to go." Colin v.1 sighs, "Ma must have found the waterbug I left in the flour jar. It ought to be crawling with maggots by now!"

He grins, eyes flashing blue once more, before taking off in the direction of the woman's voice. He turns back once to wave goodbye and then disappears over the horizon line.

"What a jerk." Colin mutters once the other is out of sight. Being the only Colin left in the field, Colin figures that it's fair game to be *The* Colin Robinson once more. It seems unlikely that he'll see that other Colin again.

As night begins to fall, Colin, the only Colin, feels something akin to hunger growing in his gut and decides that now is as good a time as any to start looking for possible prey. He gets to his feet and begins to meander in the direction opposite of the one the Other Colin had left in. There was no use following him. After all, that family's nerves had probably already been picked to the bone with a rascal like that causing mischief 24/7. It would be best to find his own niche, as he had been told. As the sun sinks in the West, Colin spies the tips of pine trees rising up over the tall grass in the East. Something rustles in the weeds in from of him, and he senses a whiff of primal fear wafting up out of tall grass. The thing scuttles away in the direction of the forest, and Colin takes off after it at a run. The plume of fear stretches out, stronger this time, and Colin, entranced, follows its trail like stream rising off a pie on a window sill. He feels the adrenaline building in his chest and, without thinking, dives arms first into the brush. With a squeak, his hands close around something warm, and he brings it up to eye level. He bares his teeth at it the way the Other Colin did to him, in what he assumes must be a smile. The deer mouse squeals in the cage of his fingers, and he can feel its rapid heartbeat hammering against its tiny ribs.

"Hey, bud" he coos to it in a way that fails to be comforting. In the darkness of the clearing, the cowering rodent is illuminated by the blue glow of his eyes. It gnaws and scratches at his fingers with all its might.

"I'm not going to eat you," he whispers, before feeling his stomach gurgle in protest, "Well, maybe a little bit."

He tucks the deer mouse into his top pocket and pats it for safekeeping. Perhaps not a filling meal, but it will be enough to hold him over for now. In his pocket, the rodent shivers like a leaf against his skin, a meager hors d'oeuvre. Feeling his metabolism and temperature begin to drop, he climbs the nearest tree and finds a wide enough branch to drop off into a low-energy torpor.

Some time during the night, he senses a stag getting mauled by a pack of wolves, and feeds on the animal's fear. It proves to be a veritable feast, but it also causes his stomach to churn horribly afterwards. By now, his deer mouse has fallen asleep. To Colin's dismay, it's dreams seem to be quite pleasant.

When the sun rises the next morning, Colin is startled out of his rest by a creature who has decided to share his branch. The creature, with two white paws on his chest, has removed the mouse from his front pocket and now stands with the nape of the rodent's neck clenched between it's teeth. Sensing his gaze, it meows to him under it's breath as a sign of acknowledgement before wriggling its way back down the tree.

"That's my breakfast, you theif!" he shouts down to it as it scurries away through the foliage. Climbing down a tree proves to be a bit more difficult than climbing up it, and at about four feet above the ground Colin's foot misses a branch and he tumbles down ankle first. He absentmindedly hears a snap as his legs hit the floor. When he gets up and hurtles through brush and puddles after the cat, his ankle seems to make a clicking noise he doesn't recall hearing before, but he ignores it. When he catches up to it, the cat has settled behind a fallen log and is lazily playing with it's prey. 

"I got you now, you little scamp!"

Hearing Colin's loud approach through the underbrush, the startled feline looses its grip on it's prey, which scuttles off into the forest. Colin watches the mouse's departure with a sinking heart.

"You lousy animal, you let it get away!"

The cat ignores him in favor of washing it's paws. Colin sighs.

"I guess you'll have to do."

He bends and picks up the white cat, which responds by hissing in his face. He smiles and hisses back. The cat pulls its ears back and licks its lips, looking away. It appears the two of them have reached an agreement. As they walk, the cat squirms and scratches at itself with it's hind legs. At several points, Colin notices what appear to be small black specks leaping out of its white coat. He shakes his head.

"You've even got fleas!"

Walking several meters with cat in arms, Colin notices that he's reached the far edge of the forest, and emerged at another clearing. There's a large brick house some 50 meters away and the marshy ground is littered with puddles. Finding a particularly large one, Colin lowers the cat down into it with a splash. The effect is instantaneous. The clearing is suddenly filled with a cacophony of hissing, spitting and yowling, as the cat tries to wriggle its way out of Colin's grip. Colin's hunger momentarily subsides for the first time in days as he's hit with wave after wave of feline anger, frustration and desperation.

"You can't get out until we get rid of those pests!" he chides. He runs his fingers through the cat's short, wet fur. "If you want to stay itchy, be my guest!"

Colin hears the sound of a door creaking shut some distance away, followed by an older woman's voice.

"Young man, why are you harassing my cat?" she shouts.

Colin looks up at the woman and then down at the cat.

"I'm not bothering him ma'am, just giving him a bath."

"Don't you know cats hate water?"

"No," he lies, "I thought they liked it!"

The feline below him mewls pitifully in his arms.

"See!" Colin calls out, "What fun he's having!"

The woman disappears into the house for a moment before returning with a stack of towels and lifting her skirts to hurry across the field over to him. As she approaches, he lifts the cat up from the water and holds it out at arms length, at which point the woman swaddles it in a towel like a newborn. She coos lovingly at it, and back in her arms it begins to purr.

"See Ma'am, clean as a whistle!" Colin chimes.

"I was actually starting to get a bit worried; we haven't seen Snowball around here in over a week."

Colin notices then the way she takes him in worriedly. The scratches and bite marks and bruises on his face and hands. The dirt on his clothes and under his fingernails. His slacks, which for the past day and a half have been pulled up so high by his suspenders that no less than 6 inches of his paper white mosquito-bite ridden ankles are visible at all times. Though her glance seems concerned, it doesn't seem to be caused by him. Well, that's not exactly right. It seems to be a fear, sort of, but not directed at him. If anything, it seems like a fear for him- not of him. Colin finds himself confused by the emotion, as its one he hasn't encountered as of yet.

"You poor dear, look at the state of you. Your foot is horribly twisted!"

"My foot?" he glances down at his leg for the first time, "Oh geez, it is, isn't it?"

He studies his ankle clinically for a moment, inflamed and hot and pink as it is.

"Ow!!" he calls out suddenly, and his injured leg collapses under him as though it were impossibly painful to stand on.

The pity that swells up in the woman's chest is boundless and instantaneous, to the point that Colin almost feels guilty for making her feel so bad. Almost.

"Oh you poor thing!" she gestures for him to follow her, "Come inside, and I'll go let your family know where you are. They must live nearby, don't they?"

Colin blinks.

"You know, I don't recall." he says slowly, as a thought begins to bubble up into his brain from parts unknown, "I think I may have hit my head pretty bad. Last I remember, I was waking up in the woods with Snowball." He isn't sure where the sentiment came from, but as the two walk and limp along, the woman seems to fall for it hook line and sinker.

"My goodness, you must have taken quite a spill! Are you hungry?"

"Yes!" Colin intones as they walk towards the house, but then reconsiders, as he figures they probably wouldn't be hungry for the same thing, "I mean no, actually, I'm mostly just nauseous."

Once they reach the house, after his ankle has been bandaged and his scrapes have been washed out with soap and he's turned down the offer of food multiple times, Colin is introduced to the woman's family, her daughter and her son, their spouses and their horde of children. As a group, they decide to let Colin stay, either until he regains his memory, or until his family comes looking for him. Of course, neither day ever comes. Over the coming months, Colin carefully tucks his food into his pockets at meal time, and either shares it with a sibling or Snowball afterwards, depending on who wanted it. If anyone noticed that Colin never ate anything, no one ever bothered to mention it. As the years pass, and Snowball disappears into the forest one final time, Nana passes away peacefully in her sleep, followed by her two aging children, one husband and one wife, the children move out of the house one by one, and an entire suburb has been built around the red brick house in the middle of nowhere.

Now permanently aged at around 40 years old, Colin lives in the house alone for a hundred and eight years. He dutifully goes into town everyday to work and feed and switches professions every 20 years or so, returning each time as 'Colin Robinson Jr.' or 'Colin Robinson III' to avoid suspicions. He's even published his own eulogy in the local paper a couple times, and has lost count of what generation he's up to by now. He keeps a few clippings from the paper folded in his copy of Ulysses, proud of his depressive work. Tired of going into town to feed, he gains his three roommates in 1820, and his old house is suddenly filled with centuries of ancient rubbish. He also may have forgotten to mention that he would be remaining in the house with them. He sees stray cats out in the woods behind the house every so often and wonders vaguely if they have any relation to the one who gave him his first meal ages ago. In town, he sometimes encounters what he assumes might be one of the other Colin Robinsons, made either by the Colin he had met or one of his copies, but he never bothers to ask. Some appear older than him, and some appear younger. One was even a woman. He considers asking Evie when they meet for the first time, but it never comes up.

He isn't entirely sure what his deal is, so he just keeps on trucking.

**Author's Note:**

> At the end of Colin's Promotion as he finds a new office, I started trying to figure out exactly what Colin Robinson is. While traditional vampires act similar to predators, energy vampires seem to behave more like parasites. I figured that when there's enough resources in their environment (i.e. grumpy folks), they just kinda fission off into two identical people, like algae. So Colin isn't dead like the rest of the vamps, he's just a different species that mimics human appearance and behavior in order to live among them. From a supernatural standpoint, energy vamps are more similar to a changlings, which sort of integrate their way into human society just by looking and acting similar enough. Also, Colin's earliest images in the intro are daguerreotypes, which were popular in the 1850s, so I figured he must have been 'born' slightly before then. This is a bit of a stretch, but my theory is that an energy vampire will stop aging once they reach an age where they are at their most powerful (i.e. their most boring) and from that point will continue to live on indefinitely like a hydra as long as they have enough food. Or maybe the show will give Colin a backstory, which will end up completely decimating my theory. I guess we'll just have to wait and see! Also, last note, Egbertville is a real place in Staten Island. You can look it up.


End file.
